04 July 2016


The only way to win with a 
toxic person is not to play.
Dumitru D. Coman

You just walked out of a room you've spent the last several hours in, full of people you regularly interact with, because they are your friends (relatives, colleagues etc.) and are occupying a vast space in your life. All you can think or feel right now is "Finally!" and not exactly because it was stuffed in there. An undistinguished sign that some of the people you are dealing with are toxic to you.

There are things you can't control in your life. But there are those that are fully under your control, your surrounding being completely one of them. You choose who you should be giving your time and energy to, and if you don't, you really should start practically designating them.

People that we have to constantly deal with on a daily basis, rarely have a neutral effect on us. Almost all of them either accelerate our happiness or undermine it. The interaction with the latter should be eliminated. Or cut down to minimum, if communication with them at some points becomes absolutely unavoidable.

Sometimes it is not easy to face the fact that those close to you bear an ill influence on your wellbeing. However, the sooner you realise it, the better the quality of your life will become. Because spending time with unsupportive, disrespectful and envious people has a direct impact on the way you feel on a day to day basis.

There are different types of people that can be toxic to you. You have probably met some of them throughout your life.

1. People that are not happy with your accomplishments and will do a lot to make you feel bad about yourself. Envious people, in a word.

This kind of individuals are usually very unhappy people, unable to do anything positive and productive for their own selves. All they are capable of is poisoning your existence, it makes them feel better about their own miserable little lives. Even if they were worth it, you can't downgrade your intellectual and physical abilities, skills, achievements and ambitions, just to make them happy, can you? You are better off.

2. The kind of people that look down on you, because they think they are in any way better than you. They are always there to remind you of their superiority, every single chance they get.

People that always have to convince themselves and others that they are better than everyone else are usually deeply diffident people. They are definitely free to exercise their self-esteem, not at your expense, however. If they indeed are better than you, they can easily exist without you.

3. Those that you feel bored communicating with. You simply aren't compatible with each other. You speak on different mental or intellectual languages.

They are not necessarily negative people, but they can't bring anything new and useful into your experience, so you don't usually look forward to hanging out with them. It's fine if you occasionally have to communicate with them due to the family ties, for instance, or because you work together. Don't let those ties push you into doing something you don't feel like doing at all, though.

4. People that tire you out and make you feel emotionally drained every time you end up together in the same room. Energy vampires.

Communication with them is not always burdening or boring, often may even be rather entertaining. You still feel miserable later, and as though energy had been sucked out of you. Do you really need negative emotions in your life?

5. Useless people. Those are the people that don't really aspire to do something productive in their lives, they don't mind your aspirations either, but they want to have fun.

More often than not "fun" in their perception of life is engaging in counter-productive pastimes, such as partying without a break, overdoing it with alcohol and drugs, getting involved in doubtful campaigns and otherwise degrading. It would be fine if only they didn't try to drag you along. Now, while everyone is entitled to do with the amount of time they are granted on Earth whatever they see fit, you should ask yourself - is this what you want?

6. Drama queens (and kings).

They like to make everything about themselves. They rarely have time for you, yet they request a lot of yours, whenever they feel like attention has been dispersed from them for far too long.

7. Acquaintances that appear on the horizon only when they need something. They rarely disappear again until they get what they need. Saying "no" to those, normally, is extremely hard.

8. Gossipers. Nastiest kind of people.

Usually, they can't bring you down, so all they can do is wander around spreading gossip about you in a desperate attempt to influence people's judgement. They do the same about people that matter to you in your presence, just so it works both ways. Stay away from those without a second thought and regrets.

The environment has a direct impact on your mental and physical health. If you feel that it is being poisoned by destructive effect toxic people have on it, don't pretend it is ok. Act.

You can't change people, and it's not your job to do so. What you can is to take under control who you allow into your comfort zone, because those that make you unhappy should stay out of it. People that don't love and respect you should not be given an opportunity to cross their territory with yours more often than you yourself feel comfortable with. Do not ever feel bad about it.

Often it gets almost impossible to avoid certain people, let alone fully cut them out of your life. Then again, you don't necessarily have to. What is more important is never letting them and their influence get to you. Remember that you are strong enough to be the master of your mind, you do not yield to manipulations.

You deserve peaceful environment and you deserve good and positive friends. You are fully entitled to decide on your own who to invest your time in. Life is too short to spend it with someone who, instead of giving you wings to fly, ruthlessly chops them off.

Have you ever had to (or currently have to) deal with toxic people in your life? What are your ways of handling them?

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