31 July 2015

RUMOUR HAS IT

I love people who gossip behind my back.
That's exactly where they belong. Behind my back.

People gossip. Personally, I don't know anyone who doesn't gossip. And let's be honest, you gossip, I gossip, everyone gossips. The only difference is, that you and I probably don't spread malicious rumours that seriously harm others. As for me, if I do gossip, I only do this with a certain circle of people that includes my sister, my mother, sometimes my mother in law, and a couple of very close friends that have known me for a long period of time, and I know for sure - it will remain between us. It is a sort of a way to spice up a conversation a little bit, if you know what I mean. We've all been there - where we gossiped about others, and where others gossiped about us. Here's what I know about it ....

Some people simply feel the need to gossip behind your back. Because often it is the only way they can prove themselves somebody. Frankly speaking, I am among those people who are being gossiped about throughout their entire life. I have always had someone who didn't like me or my family for this or that reason and would simply talk about me, thinking it would bring me down. Has it been a pretty simple envy, or all people just naturally gossip about each other? I only know that I've grown to learn how to deal with it.

There are three types of gossips:
- When people want to harm you. Often rumours spread aren't even true. Often they are. Eitherway, laying it bare means compromising you.
- When people are concerned. They heard something somewhere and before they can actually confront you, they share concerns with someone they trust.
- Harmless chat in a circle of close friends just to add some excitement to a plain conversation - you can't always discuss theatres, books and movies, can you?

Facts I've learned about gossips:
1. More often than not, the people who 'inform' you others been spreading rumours about you, are not your friends. Sometimes they may be even the first to spread rumours about you. Think about it, if they wanted good for you, wouldn't they just shut them up and never tell you what's been said behind your back, rather than upset you? So first question I usually ask when I've been told someone has been gossiping about me is "And what did you say in response, again?" You should try this, and see the reactions.

This in no way applies to those who genuinely are concerned about you, and want to let you know what goes on around. And maybe even offer their help to deal with it. You, better than anyone else, should know people's true intentions and their sincere attitudes to you.

2. Remember, if someone maliciously gossips about you, it well may mean they are jealous and want to harm you (unless you yourself have harmed them before, then this might be some sort of an act of vengeance).

3. There is a line between gossiping and sharing news with someone. If people share something with you in confidence, it is to be respected. Always remember, when you heard exiting news, before sharing it with someone else, think twice - maybe it is not your news to announce.

How to deal with gossip:
1. First and foremost, try to accept that everyone gossips.

2. Ignore. Best thing you can do is try not to pay attention.

3. Share your concerns with someone you trust. Don't be afraid to ask close people for help to deal with the situation.

4. Don't be afraid to confront them, if you know for a fact they are spreading rumours about you. Stay calm and polite, yet firm, when you do this. If someone is being nasty enough to do these kind of things, doesn't mean you should be too.

5. Stay or try to look confident. People may think the bad rumours might as well be true, if you come across as a worrier.

6. Keep yourself busy. Try to distract  and prevent yourself from thinking about what goes on around you.

7. Stay away from people who gossip. Don't allow a simple chit-chat among close people turn into your hobby. If you happen to end up in a company of gossipers that seem to want to harm other people, better refrain from saying anything at all, than saying something bad. If you can find nothing positive to say, just keep silent.

There is one positive thing about gossips though and the people who's hobby is to spread rumours. I call such people BBC and CNN agencies. If you want someone to quickly find out about something, you know where to go.

Have you ever been talked about? How do you deal with it? Are you a gossiper yourself? Have you witnessed someone harming people by spreading rumours about them? What other experience have you got? I would like to hear your opinions over the topic in the comments below.

Love, Naomi.
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21 comments

  1. This is such a fun post to read thanks for sharing:) Can we follow each other’s blog to support each other?:) please let me know if you are interested so I can follow your blog back:)

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  2. Interesting post! Thanks for sharing!

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  3. This post is so true, and I think it is important to note that we have all been on both sides of gossip... However, I feel like if someone gossips too much it is more so reflexive of their own insecurities... It is also true that you can't make a full judgement until you get the whole story directly from the source as stories often get exaggerated over time.

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    Replies
    1. I do absolutely agree that you can tell more about those who gossip than about those who they gossip about. And by all means it is important to remember that some stories are not yours to tell. Thank you for the comment! :)

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  4. Perfect! I love and i follow your blog, please follow me too
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  5. I think one of the things people find the hardest is ignoring the gossip that's happening about you or somene else but I really do think that's the best way to not get involved and if the people who are gossiping seeing it's getting to you they're obviously going to do it more! x http://coffeeatmidnight13.blogspot.co.uk/

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  6. Great tips! I agree that there is a clear difference between those who gossip for harmless chatter and those who gossip to hurt people. It's unfortunate, but a lot of people do the latter.

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  7. Love these tips, MERCI! Bisous from France, *-* Sand. *-*

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  8. Great post! Harmful gossiping is simply a way for a person to feel better about themselves. When they criticize or mean to harm, you can tell more about them than about the person they are gossiping about. :]

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    1. Couldn't have said better myself :)

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  9. Good tips! I find often it's best to stay away from gossip, it can spread like fire and feed off people and creates something beyond negative.

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  10. Great post! There are different types of gossip, I try to only chat, nothing hurtful or harmful.

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